Decesions

If my whole day had a theme, it would have to be on decisions. Decisions I am free to make can alter the course of my day. One of the first decisions I had to make was how to carry a bunch of stuff for my project to class because it was a "work day." Now, instead of trying to stuff everything into my large bookbag, i opted for my messenger laptop bag and a brown paper bag with handles. I had no idea why I thought this was a good idea to begin with, at the end of my mile walk to class, I didn't think it was a good idea, and when thinking about how I had to walk back home with it, I thought it was an even worse idea. I made it all the way home with a pulled back muscle, a sore spine, and an arm that I couldn't bend from holding too much weight for too long, and I learned that I would never do that again. I would make better thought out decisions in the future. Another decision that affected this walk: shoes. Yes, I chose the ones that give me a blister on the back of my heel on my right foot. I can't believe I chose this over my slightly damp shoes. Stupid me. These situations and my decisions only hit the top of the iceberg. There are lots more, and they go deeper than these. Here's the short of it: my professor got upset at me because I didn't work on my project since monday and basically got in trouble, I could have went into an anxiety attack and do nothing to work on it in class, or I could have figured out what I can do here and now and to get things done during class time (which I did). For my exam in history I could have gave up, but I tried my hardest for two days. I failed it, but I'm sure I answered all the slide identification questions right (which is the hardest for me, so it's a personal win).

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I need a break from cramming loads of information into my brain...overload, overload! Anyways, I was thinking about how much more there is to these designers/artists I'm being forced to learn the names of, and facts that don't really give me anything to relate to. I know they must be significant, but what I really want to know is how they have touched people--how they have impacted the world. I don't just want to know what magazine they started, but how it made a difference other than it's appearance if it made one. I don't just want to know what companies they started or worked for and identify what was produced, but the minds and visions of it's people. I want to know the deeper stuff. I don't just want to memorize stuff that will later on be forgotten, but i want to take it in and internalize it and be moved by it. I want to be inspired. Slowly I am learning about these people my way...by doing my own research and discovering their ideas, visions, and advice. So far it's David Carson and Stefan Sagmeister. Now they are much more than just a name with some facts next to some bullets in my notes which i try to memorize.

About the picture. It is for my imaging assignment in which I have to do a magazine cover for a social issue: freedom of speech. This was what I was thinking...can we really say what we want when we want?

I think people are scared into silence if they know it or not, and for those who are brave enough to do something radical or say something to stir up something, only then is there a chance for change

Rain, Rain Go Away?

Rainy day. Wonderfull...o great. Not really. Well, that's what I initially thought with about a mile to go by foot. Then I got to thinking...what is it that's so bad about rain? Of course it's inconvenient, it get's you wet, and the sky looks gloomy, but I take it for something more. I realized that there weren't many people walking around on the sidewalks, and I think I only passed by a few. They looked miserable. Then I thought about how I felt, and realized I wasn't, actually, I enjoyed the walk in the rain. Even though, the holes in my shoes allowed the water from the dirty city ground to seep in, and my pants were soaked from the bursts of rain from the side, somehow I found joy in it. I guess it was a feeling of living--of all the little things. The cold wet raindrops that find its way on your skin, the way the air smells, the way all the leaves look glossy and more saturated. Occasionally, a gust of wind would turn my umbrella inside out. Instead of getting annoyed, I just grinned and laughed at the situation as my umbrella was feeling the tension as I tried to angle it against the wind so 1) I wouldn't get attacked by the rain, and 2) my umbrella can stay intact. Oh, and it was quite humorous when the umbrella turned itself inside out as I crossed an intersection while cars were stopped at a red light. Just laugh it off and keep walking.

Disown Me Society

2 semesters ago, I was in a 3 hour evening archaeology class. Needless to say I got bored and did some writing instead. One night I was thinking about how the world is now and how it influences us. I sometimes wonder how we would be without all the advertising and all the stuff that gets into us and alters our ways of thinking and our subconscious minds. I was also thinking about how in the city we are so disconnected from nature; we've created our own environment. I'm not really sure I like what I wrote below, but I think it's interesting take on the subject.

Society,
you have betrayed your mother,
and your father is disappointed in you.
How did you become this way society?
All your brothers hate you,
and all your sisters weep.
What have you done society?
You had it so good.
You threw it all away for a land of steel jungles.
You're never satisfied society,
you tear down your past still searching
for something you've lost long ago.
Disown me society,
don't claim me as your own.
Abandon me into the unknown,
and release me to myself.
No more may you change me,
for I was never formed from your mold.
No more may you lead me farther away from what matters,
and the meaning of this life.
Disown me society,
throw me back.
Allow me to heal, and turn back into myself,
let me regress back to my true nature.
Without you, society, I live.
The air is sweeter, the days are fuller.
I'm able to own my own mind,
no more of your manipulative and mind-altering ways.
No more may you steal my spirit,
and give me a generic purpose.
Disown me society,
I'm not yours,
and as it ends up, i have found i never was.

Something Happy

I tried to write something that was happy a year or so back. This was the result. I'm glad I recovered it among the heap of depressing ones. Every once in a while I smile a little after reading it. I imagine a field with wide open spaces and the sun casting a soft warm glow...

Freedom
She ran out into the fields with arms wide open and an open heart,
and chased the wind that raced her wild spirit.
after treading through the dandelions and daffodils,
she stretched out her wings to reach for the unknown,
and spun, and spun until she moved the world,
then laid upon nature's feet, and stared up into blue eyes,
closed her's and whispered aloud,
"it doesn't get better than this,
no it can never get an better than this."

little did she realize, her whole world would change,
and it does get better--more complete,
able to share the treasures she's found and all its glory.
so she took him by the hand

as they traced their way through the under grove,
they stumbled upon a river entangled in rocks.
they took the journey across, leaving the old world behind,
not knowing where it would lead them,
hopefully someplace faraway from there,
a world untouched and secluded from all they knew.

so they said goodbye to their father's expectations, their mother's dream,
and headed out to find their own.
they awoke to find the winds that raced their wild spirits,
upon the warm hearts of the dandelions and daffodils,
which they treaded through,
and spun and spun until they moved the world
as they whispered into each other's ear,
"tell me these days could last forever.
promise you'll love me for all times.
it doesn't get better than this.
no it can never get any better than this."

Feeling homesick: VB, o how i miss you. Richmond city lights don’t compare to your sunrise.

Go now, and live

Somehow out of all the quotes I remember coming across, this one in particular gets to me and sticks with me. It's like we all should just go out there into the world and live--and by live, I don't mean just the routine stuff we do everyday, I mean really go out there into the world and experience. Take it all in. We really don't have as much time as we think, so what are we waiting for? Why do we settle for a routine while what we really want is an adventure?

“Go now, and live.Experience. Dream. Risk. Close your eyes and jump. Enjoy the freefall. Choose exhilaration over comfort. Choose magic over predictability. Choose potential over safety. Wake up to the magic of everyday life. Make friends with your intuition. Trust your gut. Discover the beauty of uncertainty.Know yourself fully before you make promises to another. Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need.Know when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often and without reservation. Seek knowledge. Open yourself to possibility.Keep your heart open, your head high and your spirit free. Embrace your darkness along with your light.
Be wrong every once in a while, and don’t be afraid to admit it. Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments.Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost. Own your reality without apology. See goodness in the world. Be Bold. Be Fierce. Be Grateful. Be Wild, Crazy and Gloriously Free. Be You. Go now, and live."
~jeanette leblanc