Don't Wait

I have a a small problem which I think might really be a really big problem.

I live each day as if I am going to fall asleep that night and wake up the next day. I expect it. I EXPECT it. Waking up in the morning is a gift, and making it to the end of the day is a gift. When waking up in the morning, I have the opportunity to live and impact the world around me. When laying my head to rest at night, I want to look back and say I made a change and a difference. I don't ever want to waste away my days.

I walk around all day knowing that someday life is going to end for me. I'm very aware that life is short. I don't know the hour, but I've grasped the concept that it's not that long from now. If I am lucky enough to reach the age of 90, I have about 25, 550 days left. I realize that I can be called home any one of those days. When I look at the number, it doesn't look like a lot. It makes me want to do things that I put off for tomorrow. What am I waiting for? I can't do it when I'm dead. So what's making me so afraid to start living life how I'm suppose to? I want to make each and every one of those days count. No more wasting time...precious time.


So I'll end this with a part of a song that I think is relative to this called "lapse" by envy on the coast. I never listened to them, and i know nothing about the band. I had the song on a mix cd I was listening to in the car, and I just found out it was them. I don't know, while listening to the song, this part stuck out. I made it a point to look it up:

"And no, I'm not afraid,
At least not to die
I'm afraid to live, and not remember why"